Finally, I can heave a sigh of relief. After I step down next week, I will be able to enjoy my remaining days as a normal student before I start drilling for my exams.

6 years, I have been placed in the top postition of an organisation for 6 years. Some may think that it is a glory, but I am drained totally. Some of my friends mock at me. They say the years in secondary school was nothing as compared to JC, they ask me to shut up even before I could open my mouth. However they will never know how long and painful the 6 years were.

Leadership was introduced to me on the first day of my secondary school, and since then I have been carrying a certain responsibility on my shoulders, doing a below average job most of the time. Maybe I have a different view on it, maybe I am not the cut for it, but I carried on, with hardship and a very heavy price to pay.

With a name on you, a certain code of conduct is required from you. I am a perfectionist. I want things to be perfect. Because of that, I gave up many things for a name that's not mine to keep forever, something useless. I missed the chance to be a childish, mischevious boy that has many fond memories of the silly things he did in the past. I miseed the chance to be casual, free and easy and to be carefree. Worse of all, I missed the colourful pages of my teenage life.

How I wish I can just get rid of it. However I have been set into a dilemma whenever I make desicions. After being in the front line for many years, can I still return to the backseat without feeling anything? Am I too used to putting that mask of mine on until it has become a part of me? Have I took the wrong path since I chose to be a leader?

Awards and recognition does not mean a lot to me. I am more envious of those cheeky rule breakers than they are to me. At least they have fun and they have friends. I am almost left with nothing now. I am worn out after so many mind battles, so many critical thinking etc. I just want to be a student, and nobody understands that. They think I shouldn't be complaining when I am in such a comfortable position. I am tired, really tired.

A leader earns his respect, not demand it. I hope I have done a job up to expectation. Now, I can finally be gone, at last.

一场华约表演，一个难忘的夜晚。

乐器在手，拨动的，却是听众的心弦。

心情随着音乐跌宕起伏，人也想冲上去参与表演者的那份兴奋与喜悦。

羡慕，后悔，享受

With the last march out command, they marched out proudly from the hall, ending the parade, ending their story. Some of them are relieved that it has finally ended, some of them proud of the difference they have made in their years of service...

Yet, this is only what I imagine. I wasn't there to share it with them. Trapped by the silly mind, I wasn't able to pluck up enough courage to face something which is over years ago. For that, I apologise. I must admit, though 2 years have passed and I am ending my current term, my mindset is, to a certain extent, still stuck in that time. How I wish nothing like that would happen, and my ideal ending will come true.

However, what has passed will not return, it is only the memory that is haunting myself, a memory that has caused nightmares. I have a major exam like you guys, and as much as I will like to help you guys, I myself is facing a huge problem myself. I hope we'll meet and gather like we used to soon, though I don't know how long it will last.

With that, I wish you guys all the best.

The end of your story, the seal of mine as well...

Labels: 垃圾创作 (P)

四月一号，愚人节。

一个战战兢兢的一天，深怕到了某一角落，会有惊人的发现。

可能是心虚，作弄人，怕遭报应，

可能是胆小，根本玩不起。

今天愚弄你，并非恶搞，

只想让过于理智的你，稍为放松。

可最终发现，

自己原来那么幼稚。

该向你多多学习了。