Thursday, 25 June 2009,
一提起海边，就会有许许多多的记忆被唤醒。
小五那年，一说到“海边”二字，我的反应就是哈哈地笑起来。那时，我第一次写了有关海边的作文，描写我第一次到海边的情景。以“乱七八糟，乌烟瘴气”来总结我所写的作文吧。还记得老师当场边改边笑，然后问了我一句，“你看到那男生和女生时，他们都有穿衣服吗？”事后，每当提到海边，或说起作文的时候，我和老师都会笑起来... ...
中学时，海边成为一个埋葬宝藏的地方。它封锁了许许多多欢乐的时光 --思豪、政雄等人在海边嬉戏，中二全队在水中玩Water Polo等。当自己有空，坐在书房单独沉思，想到当时的笑声、说的话、拍的照，一切一切都让我鼓起勇气和信心，继续走下去。海边像我最好最好的朋友。当上哑巴吃上黄连后，只有去那里，才能解开心锁，改掉那消极的行为。
如今，当考试、繁杂的职务是自己几乎喘不过气来。最近也“闭关修炼”为快到了的期中考试准备。谁知力不从心，越备越乱，越做越没信心，好想一口气将做好的练习都撕掉。好想在到海边吹海风，听听海要给予的建议。可惜，时间被绑得紧紧的，它好像成为一个奢侈品，只能用想，不能真去。
20:21
Tuesday, 16 June 2009,
Recently crazy about 尤今's books. The stories were so nicely written, and mostly stories about herself while she was overseas, teaching etc.
Currently reading《听，青春在哭泣》. It is a book with short stories about her experience and the students she has faced over the years as a teacher. Deeply touched and inspired, suddenly hope that I can be one soon.
I still remember when I was still in secondary school, and my teacher once asked my about my ambition. I told him I wanted to be a teacher. He then continue to ask me why and here are my reasons:
1. I see many students nowadays with amibitions, yet lost on their journey towards it. I want to guide them and bring them onto the right track to help them achieve their goals quickly.
2. All individual has their talent. However, some of them, for some reasons or another, are not recognised and even looked down upon. I want to help students to clear these obstacles and boost their confidence.
3. To impart what I know to them and we learn new things together.
However, as I continue reading, the desire for me to teach becomes stronger. 尤今老师's stories were all so motivating. Really admire her patience. Now I have an example to work towards, let's brush up the subjects that I wanna teach and get ready...
It is getting so exciting... XD
21:38
Monday, 15 June 2009,
It's monday today. Wanted to blog yesterday, but there was a sudden change of schedule. Many things to say, I froze them, and left it till today. So here I go...
Was writing an essay for CL holiday homework. I remembered that my teacher once asked me, whether my style of writing belong to those who write on topics related to their lives. I nodded. This time round, coincidentally, I was writing about my past and it bumped into ATC and STC... ...
I never forgot how panic I was last year when they went to ATC. As I eat my canned food that my mother prepared for me due to her rushing, suddenly remembered of them. 7+pm, around the time I had my dinner when I was in ATC... It feels like as though there is a rock weighing onto your heart and you cannot stop worrying about it, until Sunday, she was the first to message me, and I heaved a sigh of relief... ...
This year, I was more panicky than the last. My brother is going as well. They were not much of a worry, as they have become CLs, more matured and more prepared. Feels so weird as my brother returned with all his talks. It is as though I am listening to what I have been through during my time. The essay was completed and sent to the teacher. With my weak expression, I think that is one of the best essay that I have written so far this year. Hopefully, the teacher agrees with it.
仿佛在朋友的玩笑下，真的变成了一个老伯。三天两夜，一边写着作文，以便尝试想象着乌敏岛的情景。好像和他们一起玩了，在重温当时的旧梦。我无时无刻都在“碎碎念”，跟父母说弟弟会怎样怎样，心里，也挂念着一群好友。直到他们回家那天，还在催着爸爸去码头接弟弟回家。
虽然很想念这一切，但是风筝越飞越远是事实。我已经不是控制风筝的人，也没有能力控制那高高在上的风筝。或许，他们已经不算是风筝，而是鸟儿，能控制高度、方向的鸟儿，翱翔在那片属于他们的天空。好多时候，真希望能与他们一起飞翔，可是我知道那片天已不属于我的，强迫自己飞上去，后果将是不堪设想。
如今，我有如站在大草原上的那个小孩，看着彩色的风筝远去，欢乐无比。那些风筝，是陪我度过童年，一起成长，一起玩乐的回忆。虽然有丝丝不舍，但还是笑着，挥着手说：“风筝拜拜!祝你们好运!”
我不应该，也不能够羡慕他们。毕竟，我也曾在那片广阔的蓝天飞过。光阴似箭，真的觉得自己“老”了。每当看着以前的照片，找到自己，泪就会在眼眶打滚。我真的好怀念过去，真的好怀念... ...
22:16
Thursday, 11 June 2009,
听着钟文音老师的讲解，心渐渐地沉重起来。我的文章，费尽我所有一切写的文章，最终没有被选上作讲评。其实自己的文章没被选上去，早已预料。自己的华文水准，与其他学生相比，其实差太远了。只是这次，我尽我所能，掏出自己的心，写出心里最痛、最想逃避的回忆... ...
自《友谊链的误会》后，自己的比喻手就好象废了。即使许多时候，情感犹如火山似的爆发，几乎冲爆我的心时，已经没有那个能力写出所要表达的事物来了。很多时候，与其把它写下来，往往只把事情都藏在心最黑暗的角落，不让他人知道、不让自己一直去想它。
久而久之，黑暗的角落用完了，整颗心有被心事填满。好痛苦，但身旁没有能倾诉的人。想把它写出来，笔又仿佛被卡住似的，抒发不了真心感情。几位老师说我有待进步，要我多读书。我一边耐心地读，耐心地练，却觉得越来越糟。对自己的文笔愈来愈没有信心，甚至很想毁掉自己创作的许多文章。我唯一能抒发内心世界的途径，也被挡住了，那剩下的，不就是等心里的舱库爆炸而死吗？
昨晚把头伸出窗外，感受着那似有似无的风。忽然，有股冲动跳出窗外、飞向天空。很想让那风带着我走，逃避这让我感慨万分的地方。好想随风而去，飞过维也纳，听听那动人的音乐、好想随风而去，飞过太平洋，闻闻大海的味道、好想随风而去，飞过蒙古草原，看看那绿油油的草原。永远在天空飞翔，不必被情感所困、不必为文笔所烦，逍遥游去。
不过，那始终还是想象。现实中的我，还是犹如一个废人，无法写出自己的心里感受，只会逃避，不会勇敢面对。恐惧地看着眼前笔和纸，我用颤抖的手再度拿起笔，深深地吸气，开始无奈地再写下去... ...
21:36
Aloha!!! I am back. Rather busy these days, so couldn't come and blog. Went for CLEP writing camp from Monday to Thursday. After so many years of training camps and activity-based camps, this is the first "lesson-based" camp that I have attended. Walked there on monday morning, then checked in to our dormitory. It is very cool!!! More like a hotel in my eyes. Reminds me of the Kuching trip last year, but just 10 times worse than the 5 star hotel.
Had talks by local CL related work presenters to have talks. Such as 林启元，郭庆亮，杨君伟 and so on. Their talks were all very useful and informative. Best of all, they have lots of interaction with us, making the "lectures" very interesting.
There is also one by a Taiwanese Writer 钟文音. We had 3 talks by her, all with words of advises to improve our skill of writing. The last one, which is the 4th today was to go through the homework she set us - essays. Looking through the love letters and emotional essays was like slicing my meat slowly. So beautifully written, the words never fail to touched me.
We went to the Asian Civilisation Museum on the 2nd day. After reading so many books on Histor of China, I can finally have a close look at the different antiques of Kangxi Emperor. That is so fantastic man!!! We came back, had a competition to advertise the Museum and had fun. =)
3rd night, we had a "campfire", where we act out our textbooks' stories. Enjoyed it very much. Although we didn't win anything in the end, I feel that as long as we have done our best, we need not have to be recognised as the best. =D 十二莲花超棒!!!谢谢你们让我有个那么难忘的写作营。但愿还有机会再相见。=D
This is one of the most unforgettable camp I have ever attended. When I get the pictures, I will post the online to share. =)
For now, 我随风去了... ...
19:44