Thursday, 31 July 2008,
About a week never post. Prelim period, too tired and busy to post. All my papers have been quite badly done. With the high expectations I have for myself, it seems that I am under performing even though I have given my best shot. Maybe I am really too stressed up about grades???
My useless back has been aching for weeks. Had such problems last time, but the ache come and go very quickly. This time round it has no signs of recovering, and it has affected my movement today. Have to look for the cause and cure fast, before my frustration turns into anger and I start throwing tantrums again. Such things never fails to come along with frustration, and with the Prelim, it is just like adding oil to fire....
My anxiety and memories are starting to worsen. Nowadays, I can start feeling worried for nothing and the chest pains will come. As for memories, worse still. I can even forget what I want to say or write in the examination even though I just thought of the answers a minute ago. I feel like giving my head a big knock so that it can recover. That's what i see people do when their calculators get faulty. Hopefully, I can knock out some unwanted memories so that I have room for more, better ones.
Don't want to disturb my Sec 2 any further. Sometimes, I feel that I am the "x'tra". They have their things to do, to worry about too. Sometimes, I just feel that I am too selfish and too stubborn. LET GO!!! But I can't. Maybe I should just take a little peep at them while they're training before I go home. Maybe I'll just go for the outings they planned out. A thousand maybes, but still, I cannot help but look for them and disturb them...
Someone please tell me what to do before I really go crazy.HELP ME......
16:07
Friday, 25 July 2008,
As we dance to the left, as we dance to the right...
Super macho Xiong
Falling in before the campfire
Nigel and Rahayu dancing to the beat too...
Handsome trying to block the camera...
And here's another shot of him laughing, he is crazy???
Part of my treasure...
This shows even more hidden treasures of mine. All these pics never fails to make me feel better when I am tired and feels like giving up. A thousand thank you, my squad. Let us continue to work harder, both for RSNPCC and for ourselves. May we be each other's motivation and strength to carry on. Gd luck for your CT and upcoming streaming!!! I will work hard too.
*Some pics shown here are actually from RSNPCC website. If you want to see more of these, drop by the website when you are free. www11.brinkster.com/rsnpcc*
*A bright cheerful smile can light up even the darkest corner on earth...*
Labels: Photographs
16:23
Wednesday, 23 July 2008,
A monk and his disciple were on their way down the mountain to town when they saw a young lady. She was injured injured and asked the monk for assistance to cross the river. Without a word, the monk carried the young lady on the back and crossed the river. This scene had shocked his disciple. He had the urge to ask his master something but did not dare to open his mouth as both of them continued their journey after helping the young lady. Finally, the disciple aske his master why he did such as outrageous act against the teaching of the Buddha. The master merely smiled and answered, "I've put the lady down after crossing the river. But why haven't you?"
It is about a month since we passed out of NPCC. Indeed, it is hard to put down the heavy responsibility after trying for one year to shoulder it. Yes, O level is the most important thing now, but my Sec 2 are also having their promotion tests and streaming examination, shouldn't I be concern about them and try to help. I took 4 years to let go of my heavy burden, still recovering, furthemore this sweet burden that I have no intention of letting go.
It is about a month since I was promoted. Yes, they are many people out there unhappy about my promotion. You have isolated me, and insulted me on my blog. I was hoping that this may end after you people have simmer down, but things don't seem to be the way I've hoped. I know, I know that I am not the best candidate for the position, and some of you guys may think you should be the one getting the promotion. Since this is the outcome, it is not possible to reverse the situation and scolding me doesn't make me lose the rank. Why, why can't you people think why I got this rank and some of your dream candidates didn't. I don't know it myself, but shouldn't it be time now to concentrate on our studies. The old monk had put it down, so should you people. I think we should not let this temporary position affect our relationship. Can't we go back to the state that we were before?
20:39
Friday, 18 July 2008,
The Sec 3 Squad
Lifesavers to the rescue...
PTIs for the day...
Say cheese!!!
My Sec 2s enjoying themselves in the water...
Learning how to paddle, but he looks more ready for a fight :P
Charlie's Angels???
My Sec 2 squad...Pictures taken from: RSNPCC website. Want to see more? Go to www11.brinkster.com/rsnpcc.
*Memories are best kept in photographs...*
Labels: Photographs
16:11
Thursday, 10 July 2008,
Another week just creeped by like this. About 14 more days to prelim. By right we should be preparing by now but I totally have no energy to continue. Resting is not enough, and I don't know what to do. The constant worrying and my stupid imagination has keep me from focusing. It seems that I have some unfinished business to do. What, I cannot remember. The Sec 2 squad is one of them. Constant worrying about what they are doing and how they are doing. Haven't I let go of it when I passed out?
The speed that the class is moving so fast that I can hardly breathe. I need time. Slow and steady win the race. I always feel that I am left out in the journey and lost as I wander around to catch up. No one is there to pick me up. I am very scared and lonely even though I am together with 40 classmates. Help me...
My memory is going from bad to worse and I immediately forget what was told a minute ago. In worse scenarios, I have to think for a while before I can remember names. I am worried that one day, I may forget everything I encounter. Indeed there are things that I hope to wash away from my memories, but there are also many things that I want to remember, the Sec 4 squad, the Sec 2 squad, my class, my friends...... Someone tell me what to do, please...
19:42
Monday, 7 July 2008,
Finally, 《聊斋奇女子》came to an end yesterday. This drama has brought many sorrow and despair to my heart. Every weekend after watching, I will end up with a fast heartbeat and an urge to cry. Looking at the loving couples in the drama being separated forcefully, I really sympathise them. It is just like an arrow that shot directly onto my darkest secret, leaving me at a lost of what to do after it ended.
Poor thing those couples, their love for each other is so deep but they cannot be together. However, the male actors to be able to overcome their pain of parting in the end. 缘尽过后一定要分开吗？离开过后真的能忘了对方，继续过自己的日子吗？I have been thinking of this for a long while, hoping to lighten the emotional burden I had for so many years. That the problem with being too sentimental I guess...
12:38
Tuesday, 1 July 2008,
Satuday passed and July creeped in just like that. Had the POP on saturday and I got my SI rank. Was very proud of myself. I didn't expect it all along cos I feel that I could have done more to the unit. Very happy but at the same time I regretted for not being more enthu. during the days of my cadet. It seems that what is done cannot be undone. Sigh, let's hope for the better.
Quite sad though, the rank is the mark to tell me its time to let go, let go of my emotions for Sec 2 squad, my emotions for the NCO squad and the entire unit. One never knows how to treasure things until they are over.
Becos of the rank, I heard that my chairperson had a row with ma'am. Am I really that useless in the unit and I don't deserve the rank? Indeed my contributions has been little but I put in my very best in all trainings. I've realised that I am a person who spoils things at times, but at least the mistake is spotted and I tried to change. Dear me, hopefully this is all untrue. Many a times, even a saint cannot resist fame and position. These are many locks that have prevent my heart and eyes to see the truth. Can this be broken??? Can the answers to these questions be found???
Lets hope that the searing pain for remembering such memories will subside soon and I will live in agony for another 4 years...
18:24