Friday, 29 August 2008,
一年一度的中秋节又到了。在这个合家团圆的日子，佩佩却独自坐在空荡无人的海边，辽望着挂在天空中的满月。今年，已经是第三年了，他却还是没有赴约。冰冷无情的海风不停地把她那头乌黑的头发吹乱，在她眼角闪烁的泪水也不禁流了下来。天空的那颗明月有如一面镜子，照出了佩佩与他的往事... ...他们俩是在几年前海边认识的。那时，骑着滑轮的他不小心把佩佩撞倒。当那位男生匆匆忙忙地把佩佩扶起时，两人的眼神交汇了。他那双炯炯有神，闪烁着真诚的眼睛，深深地迷住了佩佩。那男生也被佩佩纯真的样子愣得哑口无言。两人的脸蛋儿不约而同地发红了。“小...小姐，对不起，我不是故意的。”那男生结巴地说。紧张到心仿佛快跳出来的佩佩连忙摇了摇头，转身就跑。
“小姐，小姐...”不管那男生怎么叫喊，她只是害羞地往前跑，直到听不见那男生的叫声，才停了下来。可是，当她才刚喘过气来，那熟悉的声音又再次响起。“小姐，我是想说，你刚掉了手机。怎么你一直在跑？难道我很可怕吗？”佩佩的脸又再度发烫，低着头，将手机接过，轻轻地说：“谢谢。”
“我叫嘉康，很开心与你见面，你呢？”
“我叫佩佩。你好。”
一个简单的介绍，一段感情的开始。就这样，他俩开始交往。他俩进展得很快，而着海边，他们初次见面的地方，也成为他们约会的场合。每逢周末，沙滩上必定有他们的影子，在那儿嬉戏。夕阳西下时，他俩一边欣赏着天地交汇之处的余晖，一边让带着夕阳的温暖的拂过他们的脸颊。晚上，他们在沙滩上漫步，一边让浪花嫉妒地拍打他们的脚，一边数着挂在天空的繁星。这看似像梦的恋情，维持虽只有一年多，却把佩佩深深地陶醉在其中。
三年前的中秋，嘉康约了佩佩到了这海边。在这儿月圆之夜，佩佩一直不由自主地笑着。她的心情现在是乱七八糟的，脑海里也不停地浮现出许许多多的幻想。见到了嘉康，佩佩二话不说，冲上去紧紧地抱着他。
“对不起...”嘉康严肃地开口，却被佩佩话给打断了。“傻瓜，道什么歉，我也是刚到。”嘉康勉强地笑了，牵着佩佩的手，在那空无一人的沙滩上散步。今天的嘉康非常恍惚，什么话也不说，只静静地陪在佩佩身边。突然，他听了下来，再度开口说话。
“佩佩，今晚恐怕是我们最后一次见面。我父亲决定送我出国深造，我会有一段时期不会回来。”话说完，嘉康的眼角以泛着泪光，紧紧地抱着佩佩。“我舍不得跟你分开,佩佩！”这晴天霹雳的消息把佩佩愣得哑口无言，静静地躺在嘉康的怀里。“你走了，我该怎么办？”佩佩回过神来，轻轻地说。
“我再次向你保证，明年的中秋，我一定会飞回来陪你的。相信我。我在月下发誓，要是我，薛嘉康不守信用的话，就粉...”佩佩遮住了嘉康的嘴巴，摇了摇头。“就让我陪你度过最后这晚，好吗？”... ...
过了那晚，佩佩再也没有与嘉康联络。每到了中秋节，就回到那海边去等着他的出现... ...
第一年，没出现。“或许是课业忙，没来得及回来吧。”第二年，还是没出现。佩佩慌了，哭着对自己说:“可能没来得及订机票，会不来了。”今年，以是第三年了，佩佩已找不到任何安慰自己的理由。眼看就要十二点了，空荡荡的海边还是没有嘉康的影子，佩佩哭了。她失望地告诉自己那月下的诺言是假的，嘉康可能已经忘了她，是不可能再回来的。佩佩仰天长叹了一声，擦去脸上的泪水，准备放弃第三年的等待，放弃那毫无对证的诺言。正当佩佩要离去时，背后忽然传出一个熟悉的声音。
“小姐，你掉了钱包啦。”
佩佩转身一看，一个俊俏的男生，一手上拿着她的钱包，一手提着行李，正站在月下像她微笑。这次，佩佩不再掉头就跑。兴奋得眼泪再度如断线珍珠留下。“嘉康！”佩佩跑向那男生，紧紧地抱着他... ...
Labels: Essays
21:16
It's Teachers' Day celebration today. Had a wonderful day in school. This year is very weird for me. I have many things I wanna express to the teachers, but when I see them, all words turned into a smile and wishing. No gifts this year. From my character, I'll take all day to decide upon the gift. Wanted to make cards, but was too tired yesterday... The sight of staff room and smiling teachers made me realised that I will not be seeing them very soon. Very saddening when I come to these. Henry always fail in saying a proper farewell. 90% end up crying. The 10% left me very emotional for a very long period of time after it.
If you see it another way, I can also be counted as half a teacher. Mr Radha calls me his co-form teacher. Well, if that's the case, the subject I teach is character development, where cheecky little juniors learnt valuable lessons on life and discipline through my naggy trainings. Hey, speaking of that, this will mean that I can have a break today... Lol
Feel like sitting down and rot for today. Letting out a long sigh does make me more relaxed... Maybe later, if I manage to come online again, I'll post essays/memoirs... For now, let me finish the rotting process...
HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY TO ALL TEACHERS. THANK YOU FOR THE HARD WORK!!!
14:06
Thursday, 28 August 2008,
It seems to be ages ago when the door first opened. The owner of that house then was very young and innocent. However, it was the first time in his life he invited someone into that house of his. The stay had caused a total change in him. The furniture moved and had a change so great that he was enjoying himself so much. He even had the intention of letting that person live with him for the rest of his life.
But, that person suddenly left without a word after he was mentally prepared. It left an impact so deep that he lost faith to the outside world. To prevent himself from being hurt furthermore, he locked himself in the little house of his. He beacme an eccentric person with high expectations of himself. Slowly, his misery was so deep that his days became cold, harsh winter. Vines wrapped up that house of his. His only connection with the world became the little gap from a window in his heart.
Years later, just as he was sinking into the pit of agony, someone was having a campfire outside his house. It had been years since he saw a fire. For so long, he had not felt light and warmth in his house, even though the warmth could be hardly felt. He climbed out of the pit, and tried to force the window open. As the vines were thick, he had no choice but break that precious window of his and cut the vines down.
To his astonishment, the world outside him had changed. He tried to get out of the house and find new furnitures to change his house. A group of 32 soon came and helped him. The warmth they brought cheered him up so much, and they had helped him tear down the vines and gave new ideas to refurnish his house. Although the vines still grew back sometimes, these new found companions pulled them down very quickly.
Very soon, the only thing left was the door. It remained tightly shut to the outside world. He wanted to let the 32 men in, but he was afraid, that history may repeat itself again. The helpless boy could only maintain contact through that little window, which by then had been torn off to make room for the people outside.
However, one day, he found that the door had been unlocked by someone. It lay there ajar. As the boy nervously peeked out of the gap, he saw a distinct shadow. The urge of inviting the shadow in came as he tried his very best to remain calm. When he finally plucked up the courage to open the door again, he let the 32 men outside the window in. However, the shadow was gone. Was it cast from one of the 32 men, or was it someone else? Now, the wait begins, as he waits for the owner of that shaodow to appear...
Labels: Essays
20:41
Wednesday, 27 August 2008,
That's me, when I was younger Yo, haven't been posting recently. The blogger is having error loading and internet connection has been very slow this few days. Impossible to wait for about 15 min for the page to load...
Saw my report book today. A bit better than I calculated, but still the results have dropeed a little.Failed a subject for the first time. Very upset, but can't complain much, 'cos that's how my results work... Drop, drop, drop then go up. So I am drawing plans for long period study now, although still not used to it.
The inner storm had finally subsided. I suppose time does wash away emotions away, especially for me, when I have such horrible memory. The emotional baggage I have for the Sec 2 has been relatively lighter recently. They have finished their drill tests, and now everything is up to them. I cannot continue to pave their roads for them, 'cos I need to pave mine too and they should not be deprived of the opportunity to figure things out while they DIY.
Worries have gone. Nowadays, I get greetings every morning and during lunch when I see them. This actually brigthen up my days. At least I know they still have me in their hearts. During their trainings, I feel overwhelmed with pride as I see them getting better and starting to exhibit their own talents. Very happy, I have a strong force pushing me forward towards 'O' level, towards my success. The squad now joins me in the war to determine their future, the streaming. Excited and anxious, I wanna help them to stretch their ability to the fullest and excel in their lives.
Rather busy and tired these days. I am not getting enough sleep due to the preparation for Graduation Day. Nevertheless, I still force myself to keep going. I will never give up now, still too early. Hahaha
Got to go get my speech done now. But I've got an idea of writing another essay now. Next time, when I have time, I'll post it...
20:28
Tuesday, 19 August 2008,
The start of this week isn't wondeful at all... Things are all messed up and I am now confused how to sort them back to the original state.
Received my results these few days. Extremely shocking to me. Never had I done so bad for exams. I had this feeling now that I am not ready for the exams and I am on the verge on giving way. I really have no more energy, strength to carry on. Give me a break, I really feel like sleeping for a few days and not doing anything until I get my energy back...
There are many other things that seem to be going very wrong around me, totally out of what I predicted and expected. Can only bottle them up, 'cos some will naturally goes back on the right tracks very soon. Others, I don't wish to drown my friends with my grudges and worries. They are stress enough, and disturbing them will be a very big sin...
Never felt so tired today. Could actually lost grip of my pen a little and shut down momentarily, or my mind will suddenly just go blank, within seconds after I got back to reality. Some say I stone, but I don't know what I am doing either. Very scared, the preparation for 'O's is very quick, losing a moment of attention will mean losing out important information...
Hopefully I will hold on, to see the things return to normal, hopefully... ...
If we hold on together
Don't lose your way
with each passing day
you've come so far
don't throw it away
live believing
dreams are for weaving
wonders are waiting to start
live your story
faith, hope & glory
hold to the truth in your heart
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
dreams see us through to forever
where clouds roll by
for you and I
Souls in the wind
must learn how to bend
seek out a star
hold on to the end
valley, mountain
there is a fountain
washes our tears all away
words are swaying
someone is praying
please let them come home to stay
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
dreams see us through to forever
where clouds roll by
for you and I
When we are out there in the dark
we'll dream about the sun
in the dark we'll feel the light
warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
dreams see us through to forever
as high as souls can fly
the clouds roll by
for you and I...
*A song I liked since pri sch days, sry no links to it*
21:08
Saturday, 16 August 2008,
I always thought I was the only one that has weird mood swings, very pessimistic about things, and feel that there isn't anyone to trust completely in school... Just as I was viewing one or two of my schoolmates' blogs, I realise that I am not alone. Don't know what to do to help, but I think I am in no position to help either, judging from the state I am in currently...
The O level is getting more like an emotional warfare. The one with the strongest endurance wins it. But with stress and pressure becoming more and more heavy, it is very difficult and tiring to shoulder them. For me, I feel that i am shouldering more things than others, which to them are not important now. Before I totally sink into the pit that is formed by the heavy weights on my shoulders, I am currently using my last and final attempt to stay afloat and continue with this mental war. Hopefully, I will survive. Hopefully... with the last motivation from these few in the squad...
21:47
Friday, 15 August 2008,
Peaceful, isn't it??
Where the sky and earth meets...
Kuching city from the tower. Name, also forgotten
Mosques nearby the hotel...
The government building, cannot rmb name...
Kuching City!!!
Mount Santubong (in hokkien, it means king of wild boar)
Outside the cultural village
One of my favourite tall houses in the village
Notice carefully. They are actually smoked skulls, real skulls!!!
The handsomes???
The beauties???
Ms Ong:" Cheese!!!"
Random pic of the TOsPhew, another worrying day gone as my Sec 2 finish their drill test today. Quite relax now, after tensing up since wednesday. Worry about results, worry about them. Their performance can still be controlled by human, depending on whether they got the motivation, their confidence level. My results? I did the tests under mentally exhausted mode. Whatever is done is done, I cannot change. Saw a ray of hope for biology, but i am quite sure it will be gone when paper 2 returns. Chemistry? Did badly but manage to pass. Hopefully no mixing up of facts. I'll kill myself for that. HCL, my favourite also gone case. My A2 target is gone, and I am short of half a mark to get my B3. Utterly disappointed, but i am coming up with a plan to cover things up.
Since got nothing to do today and exhausted by the worrying, I'll post some pics today since the com seems to be in gd mood too. I can post pics normally... Lol.
Enjoy the Kuching photos!!!
Labels: Photographs
21:09
Thursday, 14 August 2008,
Stupid blogger cannot load properly these days... Cannot type out my posts properly, change font size/colour w/o the shortcuts on top... Error on page... F***.
Had quite a tiring day today. Maybe I didn't sleep well yesterday night, 'cos too excited about the results. In the end, no results announced... From what the teachers said, we can only get back the scripts on tuesday, 19/8. But, still got back physics, 'cos Ms Tan, I think is rushing for time to complete the syllabus, and couldn't wait to go through the paper as soon as she could... As predicted, failed the paper. To make things worse, I am one of the lowest scorer in class. Sigh. After looking through, realised that other than don't know how to do, carelessness has caused my failure... And they are things such as copy number wrongly or I don't know how, -7 can become +9. Lol... If can do these correctly plus significant figures, I would have at least pass. Utterly disappointed. This will be the first time my overall results is a fail. Quite mad, I will make sure that it is the last time too, after I finish dealing with my math. Hehe...
After school, waited for Kok Chin, but I think he left w/o me and Kai Wei after meeting Ms Kok. Saw the CLs having meeting outside staff room, and Kai Wei wanna kpo. Since the issue is on my squad, I took a look too. Went to lunch with him after I heard enough to make me secure. Discussed with Kai Wei all the way, till we parted. He said that he would go take a look tomorrow. Since I will have a meeting tomorrow, I think I will go see too.
Very worried now. Although a few confident ones have said they are prepared, I am still worried. Like our principal, I am looking at quality passes, and I have little confidence for my squad, judging from the standard now. Will try to keep calm, and will have absolute faith in them for the tests tomorrow. All the best and do your best!!! I will be waiting for the results, in a corner...
20:32
Tuesday, 12 August 2008,
Came back after a few days of self-reflection. Didn't got much in return, but did manage to calm myself down and stand up once more... Sounding a lot like a phoenix, burnt in vanquish after a setback, and then re-born after a few days. Lols...
Had my 'O' level orals today. Though not first time, but still, a bit nervous. The waiting time was the worse period of time, where imagnations run wild. Waited for 1hr, b4 I could go out...
Quite badly done. Asked to stop halfway through conversation. They said I was too nervous and insisted that I do deep breathing with their demostration. Continued, but as I was trying very hard to look at the words properly (the plastic folder reflects light very badly)and pronouncing them properly, my breathing was short, sounding as if I was going out of breath soon...
Picture Conversation was a disaster. The promptings were so fast that I cannot even say my own points. Asked to stop again cos I explained something I think they don't understand. Die... T_T
The conversation, sigh... I made the examiners laughed, and their comments on my conversation was that it was very engaging. Hopefully its not with inverted commas...
Asked for physics results after that... Totally atrocious. I think I scored second lowest in section A, paper 2... Hahaha. Not sad, nor disappointed. Actually my hopes for physics isn't very high. But for the 'O' level, something will be done about it.
Thats all for today I think. Still very confused now cos haven't finish sorting out my emotions. Gd nite to all...
21:28
Saturday, 9 August 2008,
Woke up on National Day with a terrible backache and headache. Didn't sleep well yesterday. Was badly bugged by something.
Know about the sec 2 blog yesterday. When I thought my world could finally settle and become peaceful once again, things start going downhill, all the way to rock bottom... No one wants to go for the outing. Reason, don't want to go. Went to kpo around and tried to encourage them, in the end, my world collapse...
Realised that some of the squad has lose faith in the CCA and wants to quit. Reasons, 1) Accumulated misunderstanding between squadmates and 2) Contradicting CLs make them very irritated... Didn't have the appetite to eat dinner and many thoughts ran through my mind. They are waiting for one person to quit so that the rest could follow suit. They didn't dare to oppose the CLs or tell the TOs about the problem.
Used up every ounce of my energy to train them to be the best. Placed so much hopes on the few of them to become future leaders and even tried to guide them. My efforts have come to a waste. My spiritual support has topple. I am at a lost now, without any more motivation to carry on. 下了那么多工夫，最终却是一场空。I am in no position to help. I cannot seek any help. My chairman will not bother about such things, will not bother about me. My teachers will tell me to concentrate on my studies...
I failed totally. I failed to bond them together. I failed to train them up properly such that now they are so far behind and struggling for tests. No wonder, some aren't happy with my achievements. They are merely weak attempts to improve things... I feel extremely tired and disappointed now. I lost all hopes in RSS. Abandoned, and isolated... My squad of 45 becomes 32 and now it may continue to decrease...
我栽培的“人才”全背弃了我，辜负了我。我期望太多了，想太多了。他们原来是我种下的荆棘，让我用来伤自己的。我失败了... ...
09:28
Friday, 8 August 2008,
Woke up late this morning cos parents overslept. Dono how they do it with about 4 alarm clocks on the display shelf on top of their bed... Had to rush like mad to school, cos my bro has to reach at 0720.
NDP celebration today. Very different from last year. Looks very grand, and I love it. Although the quality was not what I expected, the serious faces on the UG faces did make me feel very serious. Reminds me of what I was doing last year, standing in the T line and trying my best to keep calm. This year, I get to enjoy it, for the last time. Very proud of our UG and band, the parade was superb still. A sense of pride overwhelmed me as I saw the people I know salute and march off. Proud to be a Riversidian and proud to be in UG...... The performance was quite boring though, noisy and lack of entertainment. Other than the song singing session I think the rest are just quite lousy.
Got back my oral results for Prelim today. Its a 8, 9, 10--27/40. Quite bad I'll say. I was hoping for a 30. Need to work on my reading and picture discussion. The remarks were---pronounication not clear at times and too much "ahs" during the discussion. Maybe I have to relax more during the exam.
Went for breakfast at Macdonald after the whole thing. Initially wanted to ask a few of the Sec 2 NDP to join, but in the end only can find Xin Yi. Went with her, Jing Wen and Allen there then. Because od National Day, it was quite crowded and we found a seat after waiting. Called Nigel and asked him to join. Then Xin Yi go ask Kevin to let their seats to us. So sry about it. Actually only wanted to add 2 chairs to the table, but she insisted that they are leaving. Nigel came with Mrs Poo(sry don't want spell the name in case wrong), just as I predicted with Xin Yi. Both of us felt rather awkward though. We are like xtra light bulbs. Rather unconfortable, till Mrs Poo started to interact with us, then I felt more relieve. As for Jing Wen and her bf, they were enjoying their time together, ignoring our presence and playing with food. I had the urge of throwing up and fortunately, the attendant came to the rescue. My newspaper were dirtied by Jing Wen. She spread the margarine with maple syrup on them!!! I was disgusted, annoyed but helpless. Really don't know whether to scream at her or laugh at her...
Sometimes I feel like a father (although not that old) of 32 rather than their IC. Different people, different characteristics, all I have been trying to learn and teach each of them differently. Sometimes they irritate me, sometimes they amuse me. But I just feel very blessed to know them and to be with them. As they grow and move forward in NPCC, although there will always be a tinge of guilt, i always feel very accomplished and proud of what they have done. Maybe that's me, the real me that I am looking for... ...
12:10
Wednesday, 6 August 2008,
我默默地站在窗外，看着住在病房里的那个疯子。看着他一直在翻查一本记日记簿，不断地喃喃自语，我的心不禁酸了起来。一个年纪轻轻的少年因为自己的执著，钻牛角尖，把自己憋疯了... ...
他会发疯，是因为把情感，缘分看得太重。小学毕业后，他虽升上了中学，不过心还是惦记着小学的朋友，事物。虽让他没流露出那份思念的心情，不过他已经把自己的心冰封了起来。对朋友，也没向过去那么热情，而是对他们十分客气，礼貌，如对待外人。虽让时间后来慢慢地淡化了他的思念之情，不过，我再也没有看过他开怀，发自内心地笑了。
对于他在课外活动所负责训练的中二生，他更是为他们疯狂。是因为他们，让他感到三年来所受的训练是值得的，是因为他们，让他拥有一股动力，即使备考有多吃力，也不放弃，是因为他们，让我看见那失踪很久的笑容。即使到了中四，得面对会考，他还是尽全力帮助这队中二生，为他们担心，烦恼。他甚至把队里的三十二人视为精神支柱，每当有不愉快的事时，就回去找他们。他不敢把自己的烦恼告诉他们，只会找个话题跟他们聊一聊，看他们露出那天真的笑容，自己就心满意足了。就因为太过于依赖那队中二生，他控制不了自己的情绪，发疯了。我曾告诉他的靠自己，他虽点头答应，却口是心非。直到毕业那时，他才醒悟，发现自己占了中二的私生活，逼自己放下这包袱。眼看已逐渐融化的心，又再度冰封起来，我实在是无话可说。
他今天会变成这个地步，是被权势所害。从中一开始，他被选为班长。那时的他，曾被着新的头衔冲昏了头脑，导致他把鸡毛当成令箭，还没认识朋友，就已得罪了不少人。过了两年吃力的学年，他打算放弃这头衔，普普通通地做一个学生，交多一些朋友。没想到，到了中三又再度被选为班长。不仅如此，在课外活动里也恰恰被选入执行委员会里的中一训练主管。种种责任落在他的肩上，是他处事待人得额外小心，以免有得罪更多人。那时，班上里因有很多的“皇亲国戚”，所以他的日子也不好过。高处不胜寒，在毕业那年，他在课外活动内被升了级，从此，身边的很多朋友都开始疏远他。他到处寻找原因，尝试着改变，却都扑了个空。最终他因承受不了所有焦虑与压力，崩溃了... ...
这时，他走了过来，轻轻敲了窗子，把我唤了回来。他傻傻地看着我，伤心地问到为什么被关起来，并恳求我把它放出来。我什么也没说，默默地看着他。他把日记簿反到2008年8月15日，指着一行字说：“请你帮我转告中二，他们课外活动的测验要到了，要努力温习，也不要因此而荒废学业哦。”那是两年前的日记簿。他这队中二生已经毕业了。听着他一直诉说着这三十二人如何是他的骄傲，我的眼泪如断线珍珠落了下来... ...
他的执著，他的优柔寡断，使他的心被一层厚厚的荆棘包裹着，不停地刺伤自己，也让人无法去帮他解开。“浩文，时候不早了，我该走了，我会记得转告中二的。”说完，我带着沉重的心情离他而去... ...
Labels: Essays
10:11
Monday, 4 August 2008,
July passed by just like that... The days that I have in school is coming to a count down. Although not willing to leave my treasures in school, but it seems that leaving this place is the only way for me to start anew again, with the new experiences I have gained and leave the agony and some darkest things behind...
Had an internal conflict with myself since the last post. Maybe it's due to the Prelim stress I am undertaking. Under stress, I tend to think too much and sink into depression. Fortunately, the aged dowager is always there to help me with the "aged wisdom" of hers. Managed to win over depression once again, but had a bad headache yesterday because of the amount of energy used to settle these things. There is never a winner in war...
I am learning to put down the emotional baggage of the Sec 2 now. Although it is hard and I am reluctant, I think this is the only way that is fair for both parties. I have been a selfish senior, poking into their lives and has been using them as my spiritual support w/o their permission. Maybe it is time I let go and worry less... They are old enough and I have no rights over them... Jia You to you guys. :)
Now, I can quite safely say that, I can gear up for my O level...病倒的太宗慢慢地在站起来了...
11:13