Gone, with the wind...

Saturday, 28 February 2009,

Something triggered my thinking mechanism again this week. I became very slow in reaction and shut down easily. The theme that I have just concluded as I switch back to reality: Purpose.

What is my purpose of my actions? What is the purpose of my existence? Is there anything that I can do with that?

The answer:

1) Wherever I go, whatever I do, I usually wishes to leave a mark to prove my presence here before. Take for example, my presence in Riverside. I accidentally broke the doorknob of 1/7 class. The gate hasn't got a doorknob till now. Simple, funny, but as the first batch to use the new school compound, it has a rather unique representation, 'cos behind that gate lies many stories.

Similarly, I wish that the place that I have been to leave a mark in me, so that I can sit down and recall when I am old one day, to laugh, to cry about the classic moments of my life. From simple honour like awards to extremely touching people like the group of junoirs that changed my life, these are some of the things that I will not forget despite of my bad memory.

2) So I got the answer to my actions. What is my purpose of existence then? I have also come to a conclusion. My existence plays different roles at different times. From a follower to a leader, from an encourager to someone who demoralises others, from a creator to a destroyer, etc. No fix role to play, but for sure, everybody's existence mean something to someone else. 即使那个人是你讨厌的，他还是在你生命里扮演了一个角色。他为你人生的篇章添上了颜色，让你了解讨厌，并让你从中学习。Life with just happy moments is not going to be exciting at all. There must be a balance to everything. And our existence balances things up in other's life.

3) Is there anything I can do? I personally think we shouldn't overdo things. Let nature take its course. Let time do the job. What we can do, is to use yesterday's lessons as improvements, don't dwell on them. Set tomorrow as a target, but don't dream on that. Most importantly, work hard today, so that you can harvest the results tomorrow.

With that, it is time to pick myself up from the fall I had and moved forward. Lessons learnt had been harsh, but tomorrow is going to be better. Let's do the best we can do. My fifth term, I think I am ready to take up the challenge once again. =)

18:01

Monday, 23 February 2009,

A tear rolled down the captain's eyes as the ship slanted and sank.

It was this ship, the very first that the captain bought. He has sailed through the toughest waters on this ship throughout his many years of travelling. He started off the journey a decade ago. As he was still new, he went slow, learning from his crews and other captain friends out in the ocean. Occasionally, he went back ashore to share his experiences and to gain more knowledege from the villages he stayed in.

6 years later, the captain became rather confident and he ventured into somewhere entirely new at high speed. Little did he know that the journey ahead is getting tougher as he continued to venture inwards, towards the new ocean not in his knowledge.

Sadly, he met a storm after a while. The ship was quite badly wrecked and he had to throw off some of his precious treasures in order to keep his ship afloat. After the storm, he stopped his ship at an island to repair his ship. While his crews were busy with the repair, the captain himself went ahead and explored the island. To his astonishment, he found a cave filled with lost treasures. Struck by greed, he ordered his crews to load these treasures onto the ship before departure.

As he was leaving, the villagers living on the island found out about the theft. They fired rock catapults at the ship while the captain was leaving. The ship, once again was badly damaged. As the ship was loaded full with treasures, he once again ordered his crews to throw some back onto the beach to allow the ship to go faster.

Keeping only a few treasures he liked, they moved on. They journey was rather smooth-sailing. The captain was contented with his prized treasures that he neglected giving orders. Crews died along the way and one day, the battered ship reached land again. Crews started to fix the ship once again. The captain stayed in his deck throughout, letting his crews do all the work.

His crews smuggled treasures from the island once again without the captain's consent. When the captain finally got bored and wanted to set off, his ship was surrounded by islanders and other ships again. They viciously attacked the ship. The captain, stunned by the attacks, ordered to retreat as fast as possible.

The ship, this time round, was on the verge of sinking. Upon investigation, the captain was angered. The crews had brought onto the ship, the beautiful princess of the island. The captain was deeply mesmerised by the princess. He then order the crews to turn back and return to the hometown.

Alas, with the ship in bad shape, it was matter of time before it gave way. Along the way back, it started causing many problems. The captain rejected the idea of stopping to fix it. He wanted to get back to mainland as soon as possible to be with the princess.

On one faithful night, the ship finally stopped and started sinking. The captain was unware of this till his crews rushed to the cabin to get him out. The lifeboat could only take the captain and some of his important crews. He was pushed onto the boat before he commented. "Get the princess!!! She goes with me too!!!" He was shouting. The crews turned a deaf ear and lowered the boat. Attempts to climb back onto the ship was stopped by the crews.

"Get me back! I am the captain! I stay with the ship. Get the princess and get out of here!"

"No sir, there is no way of turning back. The crews on the deck are all ill except the few of us. We, the healthy ones will leave. As for the princess, we couldn't get her to open the door for us. We have no time, sir. Let's go" One of the assistant said.

They rowed the boat to a distance safe from the ship. With a crack, the ship slanted and sank...

"My ship, my treasures, my princess." The captain weeped.

"Sir, let us return to mainland. From there, we may get prepared and start off a brand new journey. What is gone, is gone. What is not ours, won't be ours no matter what we do. Let it go."

The captain nodded in silent and the remaining crews started to row off. The ship, together with him for a decade, finally sank....

Labels: Essays

20:21

Saturday, 21 February 2009,

A beautiful saturday it is today. However, I spent most, or rather the whole day indoors.

Woke up at 7+am today. Went to school. The NUS having a Chinese General Knowledge Quiz finals today. NYJC went into the finals, so the teacher asked if I wanted to go. Reached school at 9am. The Drum was almost empty. I thought I made a mistake.

Only Jin and I went in the end. 'Cos, Jun Hao couldn't come, Qiqi is sick, Xing Yi got project. Was there all the way to 6+pm. Very cool. Watched the Sec sch category have their first before the JC had it in the afternoon. Got a bit tricky, or rather very tricky. Things seem to go out of General Knowledge. Even I have problems trying them.

Though tiring, I learnt quite a lot today. Hopefully, we get a chance to do smth like this. =)

20:48

Friday, 20 February 2009,

Well, the first proper week of JC life has just ended.I have a feel like things are rewinding back to the days before my O levels. Stressful, busy. However, defintely not lonely. I have a group of very nice friends, and I really like them a lot. Too pro, have the intention to make them my teachers. Hehe.

Well, other than that, I has been, for the fifth year running, as class chairperson. Or rather, I am the Acting- Class Chairperson for now. Actually, I am still having a rather tough time deciding if I want to take on the role.

I have had a nightmare when I was holding such positions.I ruin almost everything in my life then using them. Disastrous it may be, I held it for 4 yrs. In my final 2, I tried my best to save the current situation then and make improvements. Alas, everything smashes into pieces after I rose up again.

Almost alone, I came to a new school, badly wanting to start a new life. I am scared of key roles like this. I want to study hard, make life-long friends and dump the nightmare away. I am afraid, getting posts like this may end up like my secondary school...

I was first given post of Math Rep. Not used to it initially. I haven't prepare myself for anything yet, other than EXCO position in my CCA. Whatever it is, I think I should finish this job nicely before the actual election. Whether or not I want to take it up, I think will have an answer by then...

21:24

Sunday, 15 February 2009,

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. To some, it may be a special day for celebration. Yet, to me, it is just another long saturday for me to kill. Actually wanted to write another essay on Valentine's, but after a while the idea was weak and I gave up.

Started printing my notes for various lectures and tutorials. Tried my tutorial questions, and I was stuck halfway. Realised that my Math is weaker than I thought!!! Disaster is approaching, the signs are ominous.

Gave up on the tutorial and continue reading my books. I have lots of them, yet I have no time to start reading them. Hahaha.

The JC life starts proper tomorrow. I still don't think I am 100% prepared. Well, whatever it is, I will try my very best to work hard, work hard and work hard. Can also start trying to see if 《人性的弱点》is right. 忙碌能让我们忘了烦恼。因为太忙了，连烦恼的时间也没有。Let's see if this statement is true. Hehe...

With many things starting to come full blast, it seems very weird that I finally am breaking off from news and updates from my junoirs and CCAs. They went Sec 3 Adventure Camp. No wonder I couldn't get any of them to lunch during Valentine's. Hope that I will still have time for their wondeful experiences.时间真是能冲淡一切。即使你牢牢地握紧，在时间的冲击下，你也会渐渐地放开想保留的一切... ...

Let us gear up for the upcoming week. All the way!!! Jia You!!!

20:58

Friday, 13 February 2009,

1) Friends are like hedgehogs. （朋友之间象刺猬。）

2) In the winter, hedgehogs gather together to keep themselves warm.（冬天时，此为得为在一起取暖。）

3) However, the always encounter this problem: If they stick too close together, they will prick each other and get hurt. If they stay a bit further away, they will freeze. （不过，他们总遇到一个问题。靠得太近，会刺到对方，离得太远又取不到暖。）

4) In real life, this is just like friends. Being too close together may cause annoyance and eventually may end up in disagreement. On the other hand, always keeping quiet will cause relationship to weaken. （这就向现实生活中的我们。与朋友靠得太近，会让朋友喘不过气，觉得厌烦。与朋友离得太远，感情回转淡。）

5) Therefore, we should be close, yet giving each other enough space to move about and breathe. Like hedgehogs gathering together, close enough to keep warm yet far enough to prevent each other from getting hurt. （所以，我们应给予朋友足够的活动空间，但同时部疏远。有如刺猬们搞在一起，即取得到暖，也不会伤害对方。）

Labels: ToL