Finally, after weeks of preparation, the CLEP farewell ceremony was a success today. I heaved a relief as everything went very smoothly and fine. Though happy about today's event, I will not like to give any comments nor encouragements. It is not that I am cold and heartless, but a mere smile is enough to speak a thousand words.

It seems that as we age, dreams and wishes have to be sacrifices at times to suit our current lifestyle. Today is Teachers' Day celebration, and coincidentally it is our farewell ceremony today. It is a long time since I've returned to RSS. Maybe like what Nigel had said, I am too paranoid. Last BBQ, I remembered one of my classmates saying that Mr Radha is saying that I've forgotten him. Quite saddening, he is one of my most respected teacher who I can never thank enough. That statement let me made up my mind - to return and see him no matter what. Even though I was occupied by the ceremony today, I sent him an email apologising during the weekend, an email that is taking him longer than usual to reply.

For my new chapter of life, I have give up my simplest wish. Disappointing, but I do not complain.

When Mr Ng went up with his violin to perform today. I felt a bit depressed yet at the same time, envious of him. Depressed because this will be the first and last time I'll be listening to his performance, depressed because of the fact that he will soon be leaving for his dreams. Short but very enjoyable, I am suddenly at a lost of words to continue...

I am envious of him because of the violin he was holding and playing. It is my favourite instrument and it has been a dream since young to learn it. However, the arrangements weren't made, and I became what I am today. It is a regret. I am weak at writing, and I cannot exactly pen down my feelings nowadays. Always wanted to learn a musical instrument, even till now. I know it is a bit too late, but there is always this glimmer of hope there, re-igniting after being extinugished. I wonder, if there is a chance to fulfill this dream.

Beacuse of such plans for me, I have to sacrifice my dream. Very painful, and it will always be a regret.

I guess staying silent should be better than the usual temper throwing to handle things. At least there will be room for quiet thinking before I make the next comment, rather than rash and harsh words that pops out immediately. No doubt I am still not very good at hiding my emotions, and the atmosphere remained horrible after this, I am trying my best to improve situation. I hope, I hope it will be true this time round

偶然打开一个被我锁了很久的橱柜，才想起自己好就没有碰过的日记。自从开了博客后，日记成为我一个倾诉的好对象。若碰到有些事情不能在博客开口，才会想到它。现在，日子越来越忙，连写日记的时间都几乎没了。每天的大小事，都交给那没信用的记忆，不知能耐多久。

花了一点时间看看自己从前写的事情，有些无奈、有些伤感、有些开心，仿佛找到了能叙旧的老朋友。但是，他们好像正在喋喋不休地说着，看了有些反感。突然，有一个冲动想把它给烧了，将一切吵闹犯人的往事化成灰烬，永远不再去回忆。

再看了看自己的博客，虽然有照片点缀、有好友的留言，但还是想以个别以往在藏书阁中某一个角落的书本，不会别人发现。但是，一打开，里头的一切情绪就会蜂拥而出，烦死人。再看一看，也有哪个冲动想把它给关了，沉浸在网络这片大海里。

突然，好想一切一切都静下来。shhh...

The monster wakes up once more, terrorising my life once again...

Ever since the last war, everything went peaceful after the monster lost and returned to its usual slumber. I had locked up the door to prevent it from disrupting my life. To make things save, I've dumped the key away so that there is no chance of opening the door again.

I guess, miracle does happened. During one chit-chat session, a question woke it up, and it started to fight its way out. The door must have gone fragile after the years of neglect, or else the monster would not be able to fight its way out so quickly.

With external stress coming up, the last thing that I was hoping for is an internal threat. Now, I've to fight to bring this beast down before it starts it rampage. Yes, I won't let it do whatever it likes. Everything should be the same as before, peaceful.

I won't kill it, but I'll make sure it gets locked up till the day its use arise. For now, it is battle again.

Such things shouldn't happen...

我回海边了。经过许许多多烦心的事情后，终于如愿以偿，到海边了。这次回海边，也带了一个很大的心结，希望大海能够替我将它解开。刚一下车，就有一个冲动向直接投入大海的怀抱。那海风不断地刮着，好像一双手，紧紧地握着我的脸，如一个老太婆仔细地查看一个孙子的变化。海浪快乐地拍打着海岸，像是亲戚朋友正在为我的归来欢呼。

第一个，也是最大的心结，很快的，就随着火炭的升起，和烟雾一起别吹走。一切一切都过去了。留下的，就是一个被风霜摧残过的基础，重新开始建，建造一个更高、更牢固的新友谊。一直压在心里的大石，终于粉碎了，沉进心的最深处。这是一场教训，得永远记得，但不能再让它影响现在的生活。我很自信的说，我真的真的自由了。

夜晚，我静静地站在沙滩上，闭着眼睛，享受着海风、享受着这难得的清静。此时此刻，大海又对我说了悄悄话，让我茅塞顿开，心顿时轻飘飘的。就在我快放弃的时候，大海给予了我新的动力，再度鼓励我，要我继续前进。我睁开双眸，笑了。

一次回到海边的难得机会，一个又一个的意外收获。是时候再度开始新的冲刺了。=D

NDP is here again. Celebrating in a new environment, playing back an old role that I've never got used to ever since I joined UG, as a spectator. Standing at attention and looking at the simple ceremony held, thousand thoughts flew through my mind.

I suddenly remembered how I was part of the contigent while still a cadet. Giving up practically 1 month of time with the junoirs to train, enduring hot weather, agaitated ICs. Never know how to appreciate that while I was still a cadet. Looking back now, it was indeed one of my best NDPs I've ever had. This year, the responsibilty has fallen onto the fellow Sec 1 that I used to train. Time has indeed fly.

Celebration in school is purely a games day. Rather noisy and messy for me, so I went to 博文轩 for some self study. Rare chances to sit down and really work with a clear mind nowadays. Usually I will doze off while doing my homework, and giving up after a while to get my sleep. Revision haven't start proper. I really think I am in a bit of trouble. Sigh...

I've decided to go to 4/4 BBQ. No doubt it is past I haven't let down, but instead of running away from it, I've decided to face it. The problem has to be tackled sooner or later, so why not go with an open heart. Who knows, maybe I am indeed the one who is paranoid...

Got to go now, byebye. =D