Saturday, 25 October 2008,
Yup, exhuasted from studies, therefore coming here again to de-stress. The Sec 2 had their last day of school on Thursday, meaning they are going to part with teir respective class. Sad, yet that's the harsh fact - life has to go on. Seeing some of them feeling down does make me feel a bit down too. Well, here's a theory...
1. 人生像一部火车。你是车，周遭的人都是乘客。一生中，会有许多人上上下下。即使是你最想要永远陪着你走完旅程的人，也会在到站的时候下车，离开你，成为记忆的。(Life's like a train. You are the train while the people around you are the passengers. Throughout your life of voyage, there will be many people boarding and alighting from your life. Even for those that you wish they'll stay throughout the journey, they will alight eventually.)
2. 只有买了到终点站的票的人，会陪着你走完旅程。虽让他们会在旅程中突然消失，不过他们最终还是会再上车陪你的。(Only a special few will remain throughout your whole journey of life. Although they may disappear from your view at times, they will eventually board the train once again and stay with you forever.)
3. 旅途中，某些时候会觉得，自己累了，而又没人陪。但不要放弃，因为总有人会鼓励你，让你继续走下去。( There will be times where you feel exhausted, lonely and you want to give up. However, never do so as there is always someone behind to motivate and push you.)
4. 遇到分叉路时，会有人为你换轨，走向比较适合你的方向。出轨了，会有人引你再度入轨。(At crossroads, there will be someone to change tracks for you to head for the better path. When you go out of tracks, there will always be someone to guide you back again.)
5. 步入坎坷的路时，别放弃，因为之后的路会更好。别盼望着路快点完，因越坎坷的路，会让你留下越多难忘的回忆，而走出后，只能回味，不能再度经历。(When you enter a very difficult path, don't give up. Because after this, the path ahead will be better and smoother. The more difficult the path is, the more fond memories you'll have. But upon crossing it, you'll never get a second chance to experience it again.)
Remember, a train does not reverse. Neither will it stop until it reaches its last stop and so does life... ...
Labels: ToL
12:28
Thursday, 23 October 2008,
Actually didn't want to post anything during Os. But there are things that I don't want to bottle up, so I'll spill them here.
20/10/2008
Had first paper, Chem P2. Managable for me. I can do all the questions other than 1 which ask how oxides of nitrogen are formed and why lean burnt engines produces less. Forgot about why, and answers wasn't according to table given, 'cos I didn't use temperature although I know need to use it. Did it so slowly such that I had to rush for Either/OR question. Just scared that I 答非所问. Other than that I think still ok.
Had first paper, Chem P2. Managable for me. I can do all the questions other than 1 which ask how oxides of nitrogen are formed and why lean burnt engines produces less. Forgot about why, and answers wasn't according to table given, 'cos I didn't use temperature although I know need to use it. Did it so slowly such that I had to rush for Either/OR question. Just scared that I 答非所问. Other than that I think still ok.
21/10/2008
Had EL paper, all the way till 6.40pm. Paper 1 quite easy. Wrote the 1 word question on Greed. Many others wrote, just afraid that my language and vocab not good, then the Cambridge markers don't like my storyline. Section 2 ok, just that my tone doesn't sound persuasive. Drained me out that day, went home, ate then sleep, didn't study much for A Math.
Had EL paper, all the way till 6.40pm. Paper 1 quite easy. Wrote the 1 word question on Greed. Many others wrote, just afraid that my language and vocab not good, then the Cambridge markers don't like my storyline. Section 2 ok, just that my tone doesn't sound persuasive. Drained me out that day, went home, ate then sleep, didn't study much for A Math.
22/10/2008
The paper I am most afraid of. Question 1 knocked me out and I was demoralised. Told myself to relax while I do, then skip all those questions I don't know. Had half an hour more after I did all those I know. Head back to redo all those I not confident. In the end, Question 1 was quickly answered and proved. It's just that I 钻牛角尖. Matrix problem know how to prove but forgot how to solve simultaneous equations using martix method. Too nervous till a bit of mental block. The 3 marks integrationn, I cannot do 'cos I extremely weak in it. Somemore need to change something, so, blank. Last question on proving equation, I was already so nervous that I cannot focus properly. That was 4 marks. T.T The other on the y= trigo functions, last 3 minutes remembered how to do. Chiong, but nervous=careless. haven't finish then have to stop. To make things worse, I changed the correct answers to the wrong one for one step... Argh.
The paper I am most afraid of. Question 1 knocked me out and I was demoralised. Told myself to relax while I do, then skip all those questions I don't know. Had half an hour more after I did all those I know. Head back to redo all those I not confident. In the end, Question 1 was quickly answered and proved. It's just that I 钻牛角尖. Matrix problem know how to prove but forgot how to solve simultaneous equations using martix method. Too nervous till a bit of mental block. The 3 marks integrationn, I cannot do 'cos I extremely weak in it. Somemore need to change something, so, blank. Last question on proving equation, I was already so nervous that I cannot focus properly. That was 4 marks. T.T The other on the y= trigo functions, last 3 minutes remembered how to do. Chiong, but nervous=careless. haven't finish then have to stop. To make things worse, I changed the correct answers to the wrong one for one step... Argh.
Today no paper, so I will be doing history and a bit of Math. Going for tuition late at night later, then tmr need wake up early for E Math.
累了。
有时很想逃避现实，寻找逍遥游。
但世上应是没有逍遥游。而我这把年纪就要寻找，太早了。
但世上应是没有逍遥游。而我这把年纪就要寻找，太早了。
巴不得一切快点结束，让我有时间冷静，寻找平静。
乱，乱，乱...
忙，盲，茫...
11:54
Friday, 17 October 2008,
3 days more to O level. And hey, I am still posting. Well, doing it while I am resting now, so no worries, studies not affected...
Nothing special happening though. Just mug, mug and mug. Although I did give in to the temptation and slacked a bit. Well, about 15-30min every 1.5-2hr, so should be acceptable ba?
Nearly died yesterday night. Had another attack of chest pain. Till now still don't know why I had it. I eat healthy, exercise regularly and not injured before in the chest. yet, time and time, I'll get this short sharp pain near the heart. Its like something piercing it and I cannot have big movements. Sometime, cannot even move my left hand. Usually it short, however, yesterday's was so long that it just sort of subsided today. Woke up feeling very weak. Could eat breakfast properly, so mug... Did physics and hist (Japan and War in Asia). Going back for Chemistry tommorow, then its the real test.
Very sad and disappointed since yesterday night. Felt that I lost something once again.
Hurt before when I put my everything on someone,
Though scared, I've left it you guys.
Yet when hopes were burst,
My heart nearly shattered.
His words pierced deep into my heart,
As he starts to give up.
All my efforts had been gone to drain,
Now even my life's messed up.
Not angry, but just sad,
I hope that dream won't show up.
Even though I sound mad,
But your presence still cheers me up.
Hopefully when exams pass,
We'll get better for a long time ahead.
I hope you get this meaning, even though I am bad at this. Lets get this straight, you nearly drove me to my grave. So please, persist and hold on, and the baton will be yours. I will succeed and soar, so no worries. You guys are my fuel... LOL... All the best! =)
22:08
Thursday, 9 October 2008,
11 more days to my first paper. First time in this year finally can count down to my O lvl. Not done revising yet, but happy its coming...
Starting to question myself over and over again. Henry has been working his best throughout all this while, but, what is his goal? The results that I have been forcing myself to achieve, what is the use? Lost totally. It seems that I have been circling round and round, not able to break free from the cage I set myself in...
So many years, I really am starting to get tired of the journey ahead. Don't worry, I am not going to suicide... But, I just find it strange. Heaven loves to play around with mortals, destroying all the hard work that we've done to achieve something. I am sick of it...
I have been told, I am very stressed up with myself. I do not show my emotions (other than anger I think) easily. For everything I do, I get very pressurised by it. Even my parents are starting to say that. Some things are bound to have failures, but I never allowed any.
The feel of exploding gets more intense nowadays, when the input of worries and secrets gets more than the output. I just work and work, then have headaches, take Panadol, go sleep. The cycle repeats daily, though I don't take Panadol everyday.
Zheng Xiong was saying, 军事也有出卖自己的一天 (even the advisor will betray you one day). Has been dwelling about that. If even the advisor cannot be totally trusted, then there will be no one left...
Sigh, someone tell me what to do. Guide me, please?
Starting to question myself over and over again. Henry has been working his best throughout all this while, but, what is his goal? The results that I have been forcing myself to achieve, what is the use? Lost totally. It seems that I have been circling round and round, not able to break free from the cage I set myself in...
So many years, I really am starting to get tired of the journey ahead. Don't worry, I am not going to suicide... But, I just find it strange. Heaven loves to play around with mortals, destroying all the hard work that we've done to achieve something. I am sick of it...
I have been told, I am very stressed up with myself. I do not show my emotions (other than anger I think) easily. For everything I do, I get very pressurised by it. Even my parents are starting to say that. Some things are bound to have failures, but I never allowed any.
The feel of exploding gets more intense nowadays, when the input of worries and secrets gets more than the output. I just work and work, then have headaches, take Panadol, go sleep. The cycle repeats daily, though I don't take Panadol everyday.
Zheng Xiong was saying, 军事也有出卖自己的一天 (even the advisor will betray you one day). Has been dwelling about that. If even the advisor cannot be totally trusted, then there will be no one left...
Sigh, someone tell me what to do. Guide me, please?
21:13
Saturday, 4 October 2008,
Went to the library to study today with Zheng Xiong and Rui Xia. First time I've been there that long to study. Usually I laze at home and don't want to move about. Was there for 2 hrs+, then the librarian ask us to leave and give up our seats. We were sitting on the stools and little tables at the children's section and sort of occupying their seats.
Went to RP then. Wanted to go library, but closed half an hour earlier... So went to canteen. Very quiet there. And we studied to around 4.30pm, when the cadets and I finally cannot take in anything. Went to Popular, bought myself a book, 《人性的弱点》and wanted to get some pen refills. It is still out of stock for like almost a month!!! The exams are like a few weeks away, and I have no more stock left. How to sit for exams, T_T. if it doesn't come by next week, I'll have to invest on a new pen... Ouch, must take time to get used to it again...
Went to Admiralty Park to had dinner. Sakura Buffet just opened a new outlet there. Now bloated from the food. Dear me, its gonna take me ages to burn away the energy I've taken in... LOL....
22:10
Friday, 3 October 2008,
As I was coming back homw from school today, the piano at the music corner draws my attention. Kai Xian was there with Terry playing《朋友》. I like to hear people play musical instruments... Makes me feel very relaxed and free of woes.
Envious of them sometimes. They have a channel to release their emotions through playing the music. I have nothing. Well, essays work sometimes, but the feel is gone easily. Only music, I feel can express all emotions one has at that very moment.
Wanted to learn music since young. Parents never wanted. They say I have no talent and should go for swimming. Appealed again some time back. They say I too old to learn, and joked that my bones on the fingers are stiff le. Wanted to learn古琴after Os. Hopefully can really get a chance to learn it. The song I changed is rather noisy, although I find some meaning in it. Will change it. Enjoy...
21:29