Woke up on National Day with a terrible backache and headache. Didn't sleep well yesterday. Was badly bugged by something.
Know about the sec 2 blog yesterday. When I thought my world could finally settle and become peaceful once again, things start going downhill, all the way to rock bottom... No one wants to go for the outing. Reason, don't want to go. Went to kpo around and tried to encourage them, in the end, my world collapse...
Realised that some of the squad has lose faith in the CCA and wants to quit. Reasons, 1) Accumulated misunderstanding between squadmates and 2) Contradicting CLs make them very irritated... Didn't have the appetite to eat dinner and many thoughts ran through my mind. They are waiting for one person to quit so that the rest could follow suit. They didn't dare to oppose the CLs or tell the TOs about the problem.
Used up every ounce of my energy to train them to be the best. Placed so much hopes on the few of them to become future leaders and even tried to guide them. My efforts have come to a waste. My spiritual support has topple. I am at a lost now, without any more motivation to carry on. 下了那么多工夫，最终却是一场空。I am in no position to help. I cannot seek any help. My chairman will not bother about such things, will not bother about me. My teachers will tell me to concentrate on my studies...
I failed totally. I failed to bond them together. I failed to train them up properly such that now they are so far behind and struggling for tests. No wonder, some aren't happy with my achievements. They are merely weak attempts to improve things... I feel extremely tired and disappointed now. I lost all hopes in RSS. Abandoned, and isolated... My squad of 45 becomes 32 and now it may continue to decrease...
